Lightning Fill In The Blank

Nov 9, 2019
Originally published on November 15, 2019 10:51 am
Copyright 2019 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points.

Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Faith and Adam each have three. Jordan has two.

JORDAN CARLOS: Come on.

SAGAL: OK, Jordan, you are in third place. That means that you are up first. Here we go, Jordan. Fill in the blank.

CARLOS: OK.

SAGAL: On Thursday, former National Security Adviser blank declined to appear before House impeachment investigators.

CARLOS: Bolton.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, the White House formally started the process to withdraw the U.S. from the blank.

CARLOS: Paris climate accord.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, the U.S. and China agreed to lift blanks as part of any trade deal between the two countries.

CARLOS: Tariffs.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: People in Delhi celebrated after officials upgraded the city's air quality rating to blank.

CARLOS: Breathable.

SAGAL: No, very poor.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: After admitting to a consensual relationship with an employee, the CEO of blank announced his resignation.

CARLOS: McDonald's.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: For some reason, former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is planning to blank.

CARLOS: Run for president.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Police in California responding to a noise complaint at an apartment complex...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Discovered that the racket was being caused by blank.

CARLOS: A party.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, it was caused by a 400-pound bear stuck in the dumpster.

ADAM FELBER: That was almost too obvious.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The two deputies responded to the call, heard something trapped inside and knew not only what it was but also who it was. It was T-shirt the bear. He'd already had several run ins with the law. The officers said the bear was easily identifiable because it had this cute patch of white fur on his belly and because he was still wearing the bloody uniform of the last officer who'd been so amused by the whole thing.

CARLOS: Wait a minute. A bear wearing a shirt with a...

SAGAL: No, no.

CARLOS: ...With his head stuck in a container. That's Pooh Bear.

SAGAL: That is true.

CARLOS: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: (Mimicking Pooh Bear) Oh, bother.

CARLOS: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jordan Carlos do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Five right, 10 more points, total of 12 in the lead for now.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right, we have flipped the coin. And Adam has elected to go next. So here we go, Adam, fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Matt Bevin asked for a recanvassing of the votes from the gubernatorial election in blank.

FELBER: Kentucky.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, a federal appeals court ruled that Donald Trump's accounting firm must hand over his blanks.

FELBER: Tax returns.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Tulsi Gabbard became the 10th candidate to qualify for the next blank.

FELBER: Debate.

SAGAL: Yes, Democratic presidential debate.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, Jury selection began in the trial of Trump confidant blank.

FELBER: Roger Stone.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a woman in Michigan discovered the police have put a warrant out for her arrest after she blanked.

FELBER: Was found in a dumpster.

SAGAL: No.

FELBER: And got her head stuck in a...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Returned a library book two years late.

FELBER: Oh, man.

SAGAL: On Wednesday, it was announced that an all-CGI version of '50s icon blank would appear in the new movie "Finding Jack."

FELBER: Elvis.

SAGAL: No, James Dean. You were close.

Members of a church in Minnesota...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Are complaining after a mistake on the church program used a picture of blank instead of Jesus.

FELBER: I'm going to go with the bear again.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Instead of a picture of Jesus, they had a picture of Obi-Wan Kenobi.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: So what's the problem?

SAGAL: It was like, Jesus Christ? I wonder if he means old Ben Christ.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So it looked like a bunch of pictures of Jesus taken from history and art, you know. But there hiding in the bottom was a picture of Ewan McGregor dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi from the prequels. In the church's defense, the Jedi does look an awful lot like, you know, your stereotype of Jesus. He's got the long hair, he's got the beard, he's got the robes and, of course, he has that laser sword that Jesus is always carrying with him.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Thank you. Thank you.

CARLOS: You've got to cut those loaves with something.

SAGAL: Exactly.

CARLOS: Exactly. Those fish aren't going to fry themselves. (Mimicking lightsaber noise)

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Adam do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, he got four right.

FELBER: Oh, boy.

KURTIS: Eight more points, total of 11 is very close to Jordan but one short.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And how many then does Faith need to win?

KURTIS: Five to win.

SAGAL: All right, Faith, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. In another step back from their 2015 nuclear deal, blank announced plans to begin enriching uranium at some facilities.

FAITH SALIE: Iran.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, over 11,000 scientists declared blank a worldwide emergency.

SALIE: Climate change.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, former attorney general blank announced plans to run for his old Senate seat in Alabama.

SALIE: Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions.

SAGAL: Indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, Democrats gained control of both houses of the General Assembly in blank.

SALIE: Virginia.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, two former Twitter employees were charged with spying for blank.

SALIE: Saudi Arabia.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, Joyciline Jepkosgei of Kenya won the blank with the fastest debut time ever.

SALIE: New York Marathon.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, researchers reported that blank had escaped...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...A Soviet-era nuclear bunker in Poland.

SALIE: Wow. Some kind of panda dog.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: One million cannibal ants.

SALIE: What?

SAGAL: A giant teeming mass of cannibal ants who were trapped in the abandoned nuclear facility were being studied by a group of scientists, were trying to answer the question, what's the most efficient way to unleash hell itself on the unsuspecting world?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Of providing the answer with an escape route, the scientist said that the sight of thousands upon thousands of insects streaming out of the abandoned bunker were almost as scary as seeing one silverfish inside your apartment.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, Faith did well enough to win, didn't she?

KURTIS: Well, she needed five. She got six.

SAGAL: There you are.

KURTIS: One more point, total of 15. And the win.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.